Heartache

Today the world lost a beautiful little spitfire of a lady.  I lost a friend, a husband lost the love of his life and a son lost his mama…  Where do you go from that?  What do you say?  How do you help?  It’s so incredibly painful.  Watching a beautiful lady suffer and struggle to breathe. Her husband and son struggling with the decisions that must be made.  My heart breaking for their pain and loss.  Holding my friend and helping her to sit when she couldn’t stand to be in the bed for one second longer…  Last night I went and sat with them again and was blessed to hear her tell them that she loves them and watch them fall apart from the heartache and loss to come.  She hadn’t spoken for four days and suddenly came alive and wanted out of the bed.  We prayed for a little miracle of more time and hoped this meant she was going to keep fighting.  We talked about how people often have that blessed little burst of lucidity before they pass and hoped it would not be true for us and our little living angel.  It was not meant to be…  I shared much laughter with my friend over the years, her ready smile and her talking Italian hands always moving.  I enjoyed long conversations about life and God and how blessed we truly are to be alive.  We talked about our children and how loving them could sometimes take our breath away.  How we would do anything to keep them from hurting.  She was one of those people who loved her child as much as I love mine and wasn’t afraid to tell everyone of the great joy he brought her just by being alive.  We never tired of talking about them.   We talked about our husbands too and how lucky we were that we found them in this lifetime.  What strong men and passionate loves we were blessed to have.  We talked about how much work they were sometimes too while laughing and making dinner.  I will miss her smile and how she lit up the room.  I will miss how she was able to make people feel like the center of the universe when she was with them…  She was always so present.  Larger than life in a pixie frame.  I am a better person for having met her and experiencing her great love of life and family.  Until we meet again my friend.  I will miss you

Sourdough

image

There is nothing like the simple joy of making fresh homemade bread! 

image

image

Peaceful evenings when everyone is in bed

image

Ready to rise for hot fresh bread in the morning!   Sourdough made the old fashioned way with only flour, salt and water. ..  who would ever believe how good this is!   My new love

Can you be energized and exhausted at the same time?

20140101_150429Another new year is here and I am excited for the possibilities and tired just thinking about it!  I ask myself how that’s possible but I tell you it is.  How do I break down all of my over the top goals into bite sized pieces so that I actually accomplish them this year.  I have read many great articles lately and I wonder why it seems that the beginning of the year is always riper and more creative??  Is not everyday a new opportunity to celebrate the ordinariness of your life?  Yes it is.  I’m finding myself people watching more than I have in a long time and wondering what they are thinking about as they drive with distant looks on their faces..  Did you not look outside and see the simple beauty that surrounds us?

Yesterday I spent a solid 1/2 hour (if I’m honest it was probably more like an hour!) Taking pictures and videoing a tiny little beetle that I saw on the arm of the couch.  It was beautiful and fascinating.  Black and white with a red hourglass on it’s back.  I thought at first it was a black widow spider upside down.  Then I noticed the small little antenna on it’s head and not enough legs.  I began studying it closer and was amazed at how fast it was for it’s size.  I was grateful for my phone that takes such great pictures.  I carefully brushed the little guy onto a piece of paper and took it over to the coffee table hoping to see it better.  The first thing I noticed was that it had little tiny wings that came out and popped it right back over onto its feet leaving me very limited time to get a decent picture of the belly.  It doesn’t matter what it is but I still want to know.  What purpose does this tiny beautiful creature have on our earth? What simple lessons can we learn from simply looking around us? Lost in thought after finding out that I think it’s a furniture beetle I ventured outside to check on my beautiful little chickens. I threw them some grain and watched them for a while. I realize that sometimes my purpose is just to breathe and be grateful that I am alive in this beautiful world and maybe, just maybe, to remind people to smile and be grateful too. The world is still spinning and every day is the first day of the next 365. Look up!